June 19, 2021

905 On the Bay

For Tech Lovers

Inspector of Gizmos: The Sushi Bazooka

7 min read

White, cylindrical plastic Sushi Bazooka device lying on wooden table

Examine out my lightsaber!
Photograph: Dennis Lee

Inspector of Gadgets is our collection that investigates, critiques, and experiments with some of the most idiosyncratic single-use kitchen area utensils on the market place (or discovered on eBay). The target is to figure out why on earth these merchandise are, or were at any time, “a matter.” Which ones will truly surprise us, and which ones will leave us wishing we hadn’t blown $9.99?


Since I’ve started this column, I have begun to amass some actually attention-grabbing kitchen devices. So much, none of them have pretty finished the trick. My attempts at using the Eggstractor egg peeler resulted in unusual hardboiled egg yolk extrusions and 1 of the grossest food shots I have at any time taken. My attempt to skim extra fat with the Fats Magnet was approximately fruitless. At the very least I had a nice stew for meal that evening.

Nowadays I am tests a gadget known as the Sushi Bazooka. It is built to support you make makizushi, aka maki rolls, which apparently plenty of people today are executing at dwelling to justify the creation of this factor. Amazing! Do you make sushi at house? I do not. Sushi however feels like this kind of a deal with for me that I enable the industry experts take care of it.

The Sushi Bazooka arrived in a nondescript cardboard box with very little on it, not even a label. When I pulled it out, I was quickly struck by how considerably this issue seemed like a lightsaber hilt. Quickly I was starring in my personal edition of Star Wars as Darth Dennis. I swung the matter all around producing deep humming noises, precisely as a developed-ass gentleman does when he’s alone in the kitchen area. Then I place some rice in the rice maker and examined the Sushi Bazooka to determine out how it worked.

disassembled sushi bazooka in four parts, including what look like two cups and a rod

Huh.
Photo: Dennis Lee

No instructions had been incorporated in the box. There was no way for me to determine out how to use this matter on my have, since none of it was specially intuitive. I figured that the very long adhere in the center was some form of plunger, but that was about as considerably as I could get. I could not determine out what the hell was likely on, so I nosed around on YouTube and located this handy video from the well-liked food stuff channel Emmymade. (This channel is great, by the way. You really should check it out.)

The Emmymade video clip did the trick, and no, there is no way on earth I would have figured this out on my individual.

By then, the sticky rice was all set. I seasoned it with a mixture of rice vinegar, sugar, and salt, then allow it interesting off a little bit. In the meantime, I greased the inside of the Sushi Bazooka with some vegetable oil. Sticky rice undoubtedly lives up to its title and will adhere to practically everything, so the oil is an absolute requirement. (Just after a life span of feeding on sticky rice I can also inform you that if it sticks to the bottom of your socks it is very best to hold out until eventually it hardens to choose it off, like a scab. I have so numerous lifetime lessons to train you all.)

rice tamped inside each half of the Sushi Bazooka chamber with the central rod in place

So that is what the tamper does!
Image: Dennis Lee

I assumed when I very first disassembled the Sushi Bazooka that the smaller white cylinder served only as a plunger to push out the sushi rice from the tube. But it turns out it’s also to tamp down the heart of each 50 % of the rice to carve out a minimal rice canoe into which you things your fillings.

Sushi Bazooka stuffed with California roll ingredients

Let’s gooooo
Picture: Dennis Lee

For my inaugural sushi roll, I made use of California roll components: crab stick, cucumber, and plenty of avocado for the reason that I am a single of all those persons who can by no means get enough avocado. And then I shut the Bazooka, with the tamper attachment screwed into a single side. If I hadn’t found the Emmymade movie, I would not have understood you were supposed to assemble it like this.

Sushi Bazooka reassembled, with the tamper rod sticking all the way out of the chamber

Ready to drive out!
Photograph: Dennis Lee

This was at last the Sushi Bazooka’s second to shine. It was time for the device to shit out a log of stuffed rice, onto a sheet of nori. Immediately after a couple turns of the plunger, I slowly pushed out the sushi roll.

An imperfect, slightly fissured  cylinder of rice extruding from the Sushi Bazooka onto some nori

Pretty much!
Photograph: Dennis Lee

Very well, I skipped the mark by an inch or so. However, if you mess up the landing, you are not able to repair this. Recall how I explained sticky rice sticks to everything? In this case, it fuses to the nori right away. All my attempts to transfer the tube resulted in a ripped mess, so I gave up on striving to deal with it and rolled it up in any case, working with a little water on the edge of the sheet to seal the entire detail shut.

My 2nd attempt, nonetheless, was a winner, and I sliced it into best minimal rounds in good shape for having. The rice layer did fall aside on celebration while I was slicing, so it is significant to be aware that you need to pack the Sushi Bazooka tightly for the best benefits. The photos turned out nicely, even though.

Cross-section of two pieces of California roll sushi

Not too shabby!
Picture: Dennis Lee

Honestly, I was pretty happy with the effects! If you have all your components prepared, it doesn’t take terribly extended to make a bunch of sushi logs that are all set to slice. We had loads of California rolls for evening meal that night. Contemplate me amazed.

Even though I ate, I begun considering, wanting to know about other dumb creations I could make with this detail. Really should I check out stuffing a roll with an total scorching pet? Sand? Crayons? ChapStick?

Then a shiny idea struck me, as if it have been despatched from one more dimension. I need to things this goddamn point with ground meat rather of rice! Perhaps I could do a Huge Mac roll, stuffed with pickles, onions, and American cheese, then grill it, top it with much more cheese, specific sauce, and sesame seeds.

Sushi Bazooka chamber filled with raw meat, pickles, onions, and tiny rips of cheese

Oh yes.
Image: Dennis Lee

I did briefly look at eating it raw, tartare-design and style, but I did not sense like the Sushi Bazooka was worthy of contracting a food items-borne disease around. Although the line involving food items I will and will not consume is frequently blurry, avoiding a preventable disaster appeared like the greatest study course of motion.

I necessarily mean, search at it. This could be the greatest matter I’ve ever carried out.

Pink cylinder of raw meat extruded from Sushi Bazooka, fully encasing the Big Mac ingredients

What have I carried out?
Photograph: Dennis Lee

It took a little bit more pressure to crap out the meat than the rice, but a meat log eventually slid out painlessly with pretty much no mess at all. I pinched the two sides shut with my fingers, sprinkled the meat log with a liberal sum of salt and freshly cracked black pepper, and tossed the heinous-hunting point on the grill.

Meat log on the grill grates, turning brown and oozing some cheese out the side

How amazing!
Image: Dennis Lee

Allow us get this out of the way right away: Certainly, this seemed like a leaky turd. As the meat contracted on the grill, the cheese began dripping out, just as I had feared it would. The initial flip was fairly perilous as only the base fifty percent was cooked, but I persevered. Be sure to respect and validate my existence.

To finish it off, I draped some more cheese on leading and enable the residual heat melt it. Then I poured in excess of a particular sauce manufactured from ketchup, mayo, and pickle relish, and topped it with some sesame seeds. The shredded lettuce was represented as burger bedding, sort of like wooden shavings for a hamster. I’d at first considered about cradling the complete factor into a French roll, but then it would not appear or come to feel like sushi, would it? And so there it was: Significant Mac Sushi!

Big Mac sushi topped with melted cheese, special sauce, and sesame seeds on a bed of shredded lettuce

Feast your eyes on this Huge Mac sushi!
Picture: Dennis Lee

My neighbor was out on the back again porch whilst I was getting images, so I requested if she’d like to try a piece. She received to start with crack at it. Then she appeared at me and mentioned, “This is confusingly fantastic.” I took a roll and ate it as well, and you know what? It was delicious. It was also form of blasphemous looking. But I imagine I’m on to anything, every person. I have a Rollie Eggmaster stashed absent possibly I could make a cylindrical Scotch egg or a little something. No make any difference what I end up undertaking with it, really do not be stunned if I display up at your backyard barbecue with a cooler total of meat cylinders, muttering loudly to myself about how my genius is underappreciated.

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